


When We Didn’t Care if the Hand We Were Holding Belonged to a Boy

by ephemerzl



Category: IT - Stephen King
Genre: Alcohol, Bisexual Richie Tozier, Boys In Love, Boys Kissing, Eddie Kaspbrak Loves Richie Tozier, Feelings Realization, First Meetings, Friends to Lovers, Implied/Referenced Homophobia, M/M, Misunderstandings, Mutual Pining, Richie Tozier Loves Eddie Kaspbrak, SO MUCH YELLING, Sleepovers!!, Spin the Bottle, Yelling, a time period is never established but they have phones because a losers gc is always fun, they go to a party!!
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-24
Updated: 2019-12-24
Packaged: 2021-02-26 01:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,329
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21785509
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ephemerzl/pseuds/ephemerzl
Summary: Eddie and Richie meet one dark night, just after Richie interrupted Eddie's stargazing session by screaming in the middle of the road. Years later, they are still friends. Friends who are in love with each other and kiss twice without knowing how the other really feels, but still friends.
Relationships: Ben Hanscom/Beverly Marsh, Bill Denbrough/Stanley Uris, Eddie Kaspbrak/Richie Tozier
Comments: 8
Kudos: 39





	1. one.

**Author's Note:**

> this, like the other works ive finally edited, was shit before i fixed it, so if you read this before i edited it, no you didn't ♥

**_WINTER BREAK, GRADE 8._ **

Richie ran out of the house, and not that he was surprised in the slightest, but no one noticed. He was their only child, yet the only thing that mattered to them was themselves; they only cared to argue. 

He ran down the roads, past houses with bright Christmas lights. He was freezing — being out in the winter weather with no jacket will do that to you, maybe he should have grabbed a jacket before bolting, it’s not like they’d notice that either. 

He stopped for a second, so he could catch his breath. He was in the middle of the road, but no one was driving, so he paid no mind to the danger. The house to his right had a window without curtains, making it so that their dining room was shown. Two smaller kids and three older ones sat at the table with two older women. Richie assumed the older women were the mothers since they were holding hands. They looked happy — so,  _ so _ happy. They laughed as they ate, and Richie really wished he had that family dynamic — he wished he wasn’t so jealous. 

Richie started running again, until he got to the end of the neighborhood, and was on the road that would lead to shops or ways to get _ out of this place _ . Tears started to fill his eyes, but because he was stubborn, he refused to let them fall. There were trees near him along with a flickering street light. Richie finally realized he couldn’t take  _ this  _ anymore. He couldn’t just hold in his emotions anymore, it was just becoming too much too quickly. So, since it was the first thing he could think of to relieve stress, he screamed. Richie held his hands in tight fists and screamed into what he felt was a void. It lasted a few seconds. 

Once his throat burned and the tears were finally falling, he slowly let his slightly sweaty hands relax and started to work on steadying his breathing, but he stayed in the middle of the road. He heard the rustling of trees, followed by a thump, so he looked towards the place he heard the noise come from.

“You alright there?” it was a boy, he could tell by the voice. “I thought someone was getting murdered.”

Richie felt a tear fall, “Yeah, yeah, I’m cool,” he let out a dry laugh, “Just peachy! Screaming is actually part of my nightly routine, I heard it pulls the girls right to you.”

The boy started approaching him, “You know my mom always told me that when someone says they’re fine, they’re usually not,” he got closer, “also that some people make jokes to hide their pain.”

Richie stayed scoffed, not daring to say another word, fearing that if he did the rest of his tears. He immediately dismissed the idea of letting himself full-on cry in front of a stranger.

Said stranger seemed to notice this, because they spoke again, this time hoping to lighten the mood just a bit, “Well, my mom also told me I was allergic to Coca-Cola because she didn’t want me to become diabetic, so maybe she’s wrong.”

Richie laughed, and he felt another tear fall. The stranger came closer to him at the sight of tears rolling down Richie’s face, and Richie couldn’t even begin to wonder why — why he cared so much. He backed up towards the sidewalk. He wouldn’t let a  _ stranger _ see how broken he was. As soon as the stranger saw that Richie was backing up, he stopped walking towards him.

“Oh shit!” the stranger exclaimed, “I probably look like a weirdo, don’t I? Fuck man, sorry! You just... seem sad. I know what it’s like to feel alone, you know? To feel broken, like you’re a lost cause. I just don’t want anyone else to go through that?”

Richie looked at him as tears silently fell down his cheeks, still not quite on board with talking to a boy he didn’t know.

“Listen, I’m Eddie. Now before I was interrupted by screams, I was sitting in the tree right over there,” he pointed to the tree behind him, the one he jumped from to approach Richie, “stargazing.”

Richie finally spoke up, “So?” He was quiet — so quiet that if it was a normal day, of kids playing and cars flying past them on the streets, Eddie wouldn’t have heard him.

Eddie smiled and held out his hand for Richie to grab, “So,  _ screaming boy _ , why don’t you take a breather and stargaze with me?”

Richie hesitated, sniffling as he pushed his glasses up, offering a weak smile, “Yeah, okay. Let’s stargaze, Eddie spaghetti.” He walked forward and grabbed Eddie’s hand.

“Eddie spaghetti? ” Eddie asked as he led Richie to the tree they were going to climb.

Richie sniffled again, this time laughing louder, “Yeah, Eddie spaghetti!”

Eddie reached the tree and put his free hand on the trunk. Just after he did, a branch broke off the tree, falling to the ground. Eddie looked up at the tree, seemingly horrified

“Shit...” he let out, speaking mostly to himself.

Richie unknowingly tightened his hold on the other boys’ hand, “What?”

“Oh, fuck man! That was the branch I was sitting on!” Eddie exclaimed, pointing down at the broken branch.

Richie pulled Eddie away from the tree, “We are laying on the grass.”

“Fucking ew! Bugs, man! I don’t want bugs in my fucking hair!” Eddie shouted, running his hand through his hair as if the bugs were already there.

Richie laughed and got comfortable on a patch of grass, also letting go of Eddie’s hand.

“Shut up, wuss. Just lay your head on my stomach or whatever.”

They had just met, but it felt like they had known each other for years. Richie could get used to this — used to having a friend.

Eddie admired the boy on the grass. The moonlight lit up his face just enough. He was calm now, even if the tears from several minutes ago still stained his face — even if he still sniffled every few seconds. Eddie would have never admitted it to himself at the time, because as his mother said “Boys don’t love other boys, and girls don’t love other girls,” but he really did look beautiful. Without notice, Eddie sat on the grass and rested his head on the other boys’ stomach. Richie started playing with his hair.

“Richie.”

“What?” Eddie asked.

“Richie, that’s my name.”

“Oh,” Eddie replied, closing his eyes, “I like that name,” it was silent, and then Eddie spoke up, “is it short for Richard? Does that mean I can call you Dick?” Richie laughed as he lightly smacked Eddie’s head.

They fell asleep, and only woke up because a squirrel scared the living shit out of Eddie just as the sun started rising. Eddie said he wanted to walk Richie home, just in case he felt sad again. Although it was also so Eddie could come to his house again later, Richie didn’t know this yet.

Then, many hours later, Eddie came back to the house he previously walked Richie to and told Richie to follow him. That day, Eddie introduced Richie to his group of friends. Beverly, Stanley, Ben, Bill, and Mike. They all became close friends and stuck with each other through everything.

Still, even if Richie had an entire group of friends now, he would always be the closest to Eddie — and Eddie felt the same. Richie opened up about his issues at home, and the thoughts he has. How before he met Eddie, he was ready to give up — how Eddie had basically saved him.

Eddie told him about the things his mother says to him. How she slapped him across the face when he asked about boys kissing other boys. How she told him he had several illnesses, and took him to the doctor weekly, even when the doctor told her he was a healthy boy with a slight case of a panic disorder, which is the only reason he was given an inhaler.

They opened up to each other and became each other’s best friend, they believed they would never become any more or any less.


	2. two.

**_START OF NEW SCHOOL YEAR, GRADE 12._ **

“Come one, Eds! It’s the first big party of the school year, we gotta go!” Richie exclaimed, jumping on the boys’ bed, and plopping down right next to him. Eddie rolled onto his side so that he was facing Richie. Richie was on his stomach, with his head turned to Eddie.

“Don’t call me Eds, asshat,” Eddie spat out, giving Richie a harmless slap on the side of his head. He started again, “Why would we go, Rich? It’s not like anyone wants us there. We would probably just get bullied right out the front door.”

“Then we will go in through the back door!” Richie offered.

Eddie frowned and shut his eyes. Richie reached his hand out to caress his cheek but decided against it.

“There will be too many people at that party for anyone to even notice we are there! The rest of the group is going, Eddie. But hey! If you don’t wanna go, I’m not going either.” Richie declared, sitting upon the bed, and swinging his legs off the side.

If he looked at Eddie for any longer he might just make a mistake.

“What?! Richie, you’ve been talking about this party for weeks! You can’t- just because I—” Eddie sat up and punched Richie’s back, which was facing him.

“Oh well, rules are rules,” Richie shrugged, getting up and starting to walk downstairs.

“What rules?! And hey! Where are you going?!” Eddie started to panic, thinking Richie was going to leave. Thoughts pushed their way into Eddie’s head, does Richie hate him now? Was Richie actually mad at him? If Richie finally decided to leave Eddie, who would Eddie have left? Would he have to find someone new, someone good enough to replace Richie? 

“Oh, I’m using your phone to call Bill. You know, to tell him I’m not going anymore,” Richie flashed him a knowing smirk before picking up the phone and hovering over the first number he needed to put in.

Eddie stared him dead in the eye. “Come show me what I should wear to the party you dumbass.” Eddie walked upstairs, and Richie smiled then happily followed him.

“Okay, so I brought my clothes with me so we could get ready together,” Richie said, closing Eddie’s bedroom door behind him.

Eddie fell back on his bed, “Hey, Rich?”

“Yeah?” Richie answered, stopping what he was doing to look at him.

“Do you think I’ll ever fall in love?” Eddie asked with no warning on the seriousness of his question, leaving Richie to wonder where that question came from, and how he was supposed to answer the question without confessing his feelings right then and there.

“Well, yes,” Richie answered, “yes I do.”

“How can you be so sure?” Eddie asked.

“I can’t be, but hey, you’re an amaze-balls dude. Anyone would be lucky to end up with you,” Richie answered, trying to end the conversation.

“How do you figure?” Eddie asked, using his elbows to sit up halfway.

“You’re smart, like so smart. Also, you’re funny and have nice hair,” Richie looked him dead in the eyes, before turning away, adding, “girls like that.” 

“What if I don’t want it to be a girl?” Eddie whispered, but Richie heard him loud and clear.

“Eddie!” Eddie’s mother forced the door open, “Are you going to that party, dear?”

“Yes, mother.” Eddie’s face was flushed, Richie just looked at the floor.

“Okay, have fun. I will be asleep when you get home, but if the cameras show me any later than twelve, then you are in big trouble, mister.” she smiled at him, and then turned to look at Richie.

“Take good care of my baby boy, okay Richard?”

“Of course, Miss K.” Richie smiled.

As soon as she closed the door, Eddie hopped out of bed. “So! What should I wear?” he avoided eye contact with Richie, who decided to forget about what had happened before Eddie’s mom came in, since Eddie looked uncomfortable, and he would hate himself if he furthered that.

He found clothes, and once the doorbell rang, they both ran downstairs so they could leave with the others. They said goodbye to Eddie’s mother and went on their way.

The group decided they would walk since the house that the party was being held at wasn’t too far. Mike, Ben, and Beverly all walked ahead of the group, followed by Bill and Stan, and not too far behind was Eddie and Richie.

Richie looked down at Eddie. He was fidgeting with his fingers and biting his lip. Richie bumped him with his arm.

“Hey, Eddie spaghetti, what’s wrong?” Richie asked.

Eddie looked up at Richie quickly, and then back down at his hands. “Are we —well, are you going to drink?” he looked around to see if anyone was listening, “like, alcohol?”

Richie smiled down at him, and then shoved his hands in his front jean pockets and looked straight ahead.

“Maybe a little, I don’t know. It depends on the mood.”

Just before Beverly yelled  _ come on guys, the house is just up ahead! _ Richie could hear Eddie mumble, “Yeah. It depends on the mood.”

They all entered the house. It was dark, but the shine of people’s phones and the LED lights that lined a majority of the rooms added some brightness. Music was blaring, and kids their age were dancing, or chatting. Almost everyone had a red solo cup in their hands, and as they entered the house they were even offered drinks, which each of them denied due to the possibility of them being drugged. The group went in different directions, but a few stuck together. Stan and Bill made their way to the couch, where they cuddled close and talked. Beverly, Ben, and Mike went into a room full of sweaty bodies, all dancing together. That left Richie and Eddie. Richie could see how nervous Eddie was so he pulled him to the kitchen, which was the only room with a light on. It was a dull light, but it seemed to work. Alcohol was lined on a table, and there were stacks of red cups.

Richie grabbed a cup, and a random bottle of alcohol. He tried to pretend like he didn’t feel Eddie staring at him with wide eyes.

Without looking at Eddie, Richie spoke up. “Want anything?”

Eddie stayed silent. Then to Richie’s surprise, he snatched a random bottle, twisted the cap off, sat on a different counter, and took a long gulp of the beverage.

It was now Eddie’s turn to pretend he didn’t feel Richie looking at him with wide eyes.

Richie walked over to Eddie, still holding his cup in his hand. He stood in between Eddie’s swinging legs. Richie lifted Eddie’s head so he could look him in the eyes.

“You’ve got guts, dumbass,” Richie stated, “You aren’t supposed to chug that kind of alcohol, you’re lucky if you’re not drunk by now.”

Eddie giggled in his face, slurring out, “That was fucking gross!”

Richie smiled at him and started to reach for the bottle as he hummed, “I bet it was.”

Eddie’s eyes sparkled, “I want more! Can I have more?”

Richie tried to get the bottle from Eddie before he could drink anymore, muttering  _ no, you can’t have more, _ but Eddie was small — small and quick. He took another swig and let Richie have the bottle right after he burped.

Then somebody called out:  _ We’re playing spin the bottle! _

After that was motion and cheers, and Richie believed most of it came from Eddie because after hearing the announcement he flew off the counter and yelled,  _ Oh! I wanna play! Richie, let’s play! _

Eddie ran around the corner and into the living room. The music was turned down, and there was a group of people sitting in a circle. The rest of the people were in the room watching or hanging out with people in other rooms. Right after Eddie and Richie found their own spots in the circle, which were unfortunately not next to each other, somebody announced it was time to start.

The bottle was spun many times, and each time someone had it landed on them, they smiled and kissed whoever it landed on without worry. Apparently, at this party, no one cared what you had in your pants. If the bottle landed on you, you kissed whoever spun it. 

Though soon, the bottle landed on Eddie. At this sight, Richie’s heart ached. He watched as another person kissed Eddie. It was a quick peck, only a quick peck, but Richie felt like he needed to take a breather. Especially because Eddie has been drinking water, and is sobering up. Which means he had to be at least a little sober for that kiss, and it didn’t look like he hated it.

Richie watched as Eddie leaned forward to spin the bottle. Everyone watched it spin. The spin of the bottle only lasted a few seconds, but it felt like hours as he watched the bottle pass him, and each time it did he clenched his jaw. He watched it pass him, once, and then twice. Richie got ready to stand because it was about to pass him again.

— But then it didn’t.

The bottle stopped on Richie, and everyone watched as Eddie crawled across the circle, in his partially drunken state. Richie didn’t dare to move, either, he didn’t move until Eddie was mere inches away from him. Then, unable to wait any longer, he pulled his face closer to his with his hands, and kissed him. Richie kissed him for as long as he could without earning stares. It felt great — it felt great until they stopped kissing and he remembered Eddie didn’t feel the same as him. He let the circle know that he was going out for a smoke and that someone could take his turn. He didn’t turn back to see if Eddie watched him walk away, because he knew from experience how much it hurt to see he wasn’t.

Only he was. Eddie watched him leave, yearning for Richie’s lips on his once again — and Richie might never know that.

Richie walked outside to see Bill vomiting on the front lawn. Stan, who was holding hair out of his eyes and rubbing his back, turned to look at Richie.

“We need to leave. This lightweight wouldn’t listen to me, and now he’s drunk, sick, and will be blaming me for his monster hangover tomorrow,” Stanley groaned.

Richie raised his right eyebrow, “They put out some strong mixers, didn’t they?”

Stan made an annoyed look, “They fucking did. Why would they even put shit like that out? Do they not understand that not all alcohol is meant to be chugged? Fuck, what idiots ran this shitshow?!”

Richie laughed, he always found it entertaining to see Stanley angrily talk about an issue he had an opinion on.

Richie sighed, “I’ll text the group chat, so we can get Bill and everyone else home safe.”


	3. three.

Richie unlocked his phone.

**Crackhouse!**

**Richard (dick)**

_ wrap it up bitches its time to go _

A minute or so later, he got a reply.

**Benjamin Fucklin**

_ Aww, why? _

**Richard (dick)**

_ bill is a mess and stan won’t leave unless all of us leave cuz he cares about his friends. he cares about us. so much. like hes in love with all of us. he cares about us so much guys omg _

Stan, who was looking at his phone, then joined the conversation.

**Bird lover not fucker**

_ I do not care about any of you, with exception of BIll. _

Soon after, Beverly came out of the house with Mike and Ben.

“Where the fuck is Eddie?” Richie asked, increasingly concerned.

“Right here!” Eddie exited the house, holding a bottle of alcohol in his hand.

“Did you drink more?!” Richie asked.

“Yep! Want some babe?” Eddie slurred.

At the use of  _ babe _ , Richie flushed and turned away as he mumbled  _ no _ . They began walking home.

Bill slept over at Stan’s place, because his mom would kill him if she saw him like this, Ben slept at Mikes, because he didn’t feel like walking to his house, Beverly went to her house, because her dad would be pissed if she slept over at a boys house, and Richie slept at Eddie’s because that’s what they told Miss K would be happening.

When Richie and Eddie walked into the house, Eddie had already disposed of the alcohol bottle, and luckily wasn’t too drunk because the bottle he randomly selected wasn’t too strong. They were both silent as they walked up to Eddie’s room. Richie came in last, so he quietly shut the door.

Eddie spoke up first, “Did you have fun?”

Richie ignored him, “Did that kiss mean anything to you?”

Eddie let out a dry laugh, “What are you talking about?” he clenched his jaw and hesitated before walking towards the door, “I have to use the bathroom.”

As Eddie’s hand grasped the knob and pulled to open the door, Richie’s hand kept the door shut. Eddie turned around and was now pinned against the door due to being blocked by Richie’s tall figure.

Richie got close to his face and whispered, “Did it, Eddie? Did you feel anything?”

Eddie avoided Richie’s eyes and stayed quiet.

Richie sighed, “Eddie...”

Eddie met his eyes and bit his lip, trying to stop himself from making a mistake. Though, in the end, it wasn’t enough to hold him back. Eddie grabbed the back of Richie’s neck and pulled him down. Their lips met, and Richie’s hands were on Eddie’s cheeks, trying to deepen the kiss. Richie stumbled back and kept kissing Eddie as they fell onto the bed. Richie lying on his back, and Eddie’s body on top of him. They were making out by now. Their hands remained on each other’s body at all times as they kissed and they only broke apart as many times as they needed.

Soon, Eddie stopped kissing him. They were both panting as Eddie quickly slid off of Richie, and Richie sat up.

Eddie’s eyes widened, realizing what just happened.

“I’m sorry,” Eddie blurted out the first thing to come to mind, “it was a mistake!”

Richie’s heart broke. “A mistake?” His voice cracked.

Eddie looked at him with pain in his eyes, he opened his mouth to start speaking but closed it when he saw he had nothing to say.

Richie stood and walked to the door, “No, I get it. Tell your mom I left my toothbrush at home or something. See you later.” Richie left without another word.

Eddie stared at the door. Hoping that he would come back in. He knew he wouldn’t — he knew he fucked up. He pulled at his hair and cried as quietly as he could, trying to think of what he was supposed to do next, what could he possibly do next?

Eddie stood up and paced around his room, trying to clear his mind and stop his tears. His phone dinged from his bed, he sat down and checked it, hoping it was Richie telling him to come outside or meet him at the park to talk.

It wasn’t, though. It was the group chat.

**Crackhouse!**

**BBBBill**

_ okie dokie fuckers we r meeting up tomorrow at the coffee shop to get some goodies and then we r going to the store to buy MORE goodies along with pajamas, and a bunch of movies _

**BBBBill**

_ maybe some alcohol too... _

**Bird lover not fucker**

_ No alcohol. _

**BBBBill**

_ no alcohol! _

**molly ringwald**

_ sleepover too? my dad is on night shift so who’s house _

**BBBBill**

_ MINE i have the best tv AND my parents are going to my grandparents with georgie so i’ll have the house ALL NIGHT _

**molly ringwald**

_ oh fuck yeah _

**BBBBill**

_ everyone respond with confirmation or follow up questions _

Eddie then knew he had to respond to the group chat.

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape**

_ yeah sounds good. _

**Benjamin Fuckiln**

_ I’m in! _

**MIKE HANdjob**

_ yeah see y’all there _

**molly ringwald**

_ i’ll bring the drugs! _

**Bird lover not fucker**

_ You will not, Bill this is my confirmation. _

**BBBBill**

_ babe ur right next to me I already knew that _

**molly ringwald**

_ richie? _

**Richard (dick)**

yeah i’m coming. hey, who’s pairing up in the store to get the stuff?

Eddie had forgotten that they still did that. They paired up while in the store so that they wouldn’t be walking around in a group while in a busy store. Would Richie want to pair with someone else?

**BBBBill**

_ me and stan obvi, probs mike, bev, and ben and then you and eddie. good on pairs? _

**Richard (dick)**

_ actually can i pair with bev? _

**molly ringwald**

i’m down as long as the others are cool with the change 

Eddie felt tears welling up again. What a shame, since he just got them to stop. Regardless, he answered.

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape**

_ yeah. sounds good. _

**BBBBill**

_ okay so then me and stan will take care of movies, eddie ben and mike will take care of snacks and drinks, and bev and rich will take care of pajamas. night everyone stan is whining and wants me to cuddle with him _

After that Beverly told Bill to keep his  _ relationship shit _ out of the group chat, to which Bill responded with, _ fuck off ocean eyes I have to bleach my eyes after being around you and Ben. _

Eddie set an alarm and then hovered over Richie’s contact name. He wanted to text him so badly. It seemed like a reckless decision, though. It was one in the morning, they had gotten home around eleven forty, and Richie walked out around twelve twenty. Eddie didn’t think he had cried for that long, but apparently he did.

He wants to text him. Why can’t he just text him?

As he clicked on Richie’s contact and hit message, he realized that he never thought about how Richie was feeling. Richie was upset and he had to walk out. Eddie had made him that upset!

Maybe he should text him to apologize.

Before he could decide, his phone dinged.

**molly ringwald**

_ what did you fuckin do mate _

She was texting him one on one. Did Richie tell her?

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape**

_ coma estas? _

**molly ringwald**

_ eddie, richie is usually attached to your hip, like seriously wtf, so why would he want to pair with anyone but you while shopping? _

Eddie did not want to talk about the issue with Richie, and he knew it was because that would make the problem more real. Though, it was also because he didn’t know if Richie was okay with him telling people.

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape**

_ uh, puberty? _

**molly ringwald**

_ eddie! _

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape**

_ fine! he’s just kinda mad at me right now! no biggie! _

  
  


**molly ringwald**

_ what? richie tozier is MAD at HIS eddie spaghetti? fuck, next ur gonna tell me bill and stan are hetero _

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape**

_ hilarious _ .

**molly ringwald**

_ seriously though, what happened? _

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape**

_ cant really say. _

**molly ringwald**

_ okay, just remember, i’m always here to talk. i love you kaspberk _

Eddie smiled. It made him feel better knowing that he had his friends.

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape**

_ I love you too. _

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape**

_ hey, can i ask you something? _

**molly ringwald**

_ of course _

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape**

_ how do i know if i like boys? _

**molly ringwald**

_ Its richie, isnt it? _

Eddie flushed.

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape:**

_ no! _

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape**

_...yes _

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape**

_ For real though, bev! On one hand, my mother tells me its impossible for one boy to like another, and on the other hand, kissing richie just feels so fucking good _

**molly ringwald**

_ Well, for starters, your mom is homophobic n dumb as fuck, and also :) doing fucking what with richie? _

Eddie facepalmed.

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape**

_ oops _

**molly ringwald**

_ you kissed???? YOU KISSED???? _

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape**

_ yes but only once _

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape**

okay only twice but bev :( i think i have feelings for him

**molly ringwald**

_ congrats youre one of the last to realize _

**puff thy inhaler not thy vape**

_ i blew it with him, though. what am i supposed to do _

**molly ringwald**

_ dont worry ab it, ill talk to him tomorrow. get some sleep loverboy _

—- and Eddie did just that; he got  _ some _ sleep. Emphasis on  _ some, _ because it took hours for him to even fall asleep, and the next morning he woke up before his alarm went off, and unfortunately, remembered every last bit of his Richie Tozier filled dream.


	4. four.

Richie slowly sat as his alarm went off — very slowly. He, who is especially slow at dressing himself in the morning, had an hour to  _ be  _ at the coffee shop everyone agreed to meet at. Not just an hour until he had to leave, no, an hour before he had to be _ sitting in _ the coffee shop. 

He was well aware of this, though. Fuck, he was the one who hit snooze eight times before deciding he should probably get up. Still, even with his enormous lack of time to be sloth-like, Richie stretched and casually made his way over to his closet. 

Now, It needs to be noted that Richie plays dirty. He doesn’t acknowledge his feelings unless he absolutely has to and is horrible at being serious — but he plays dirty.

Eddie kissed him.  _ Eddie _ kissed  _ him _ , and had the nerve to call it a mistake. How do you make out with somebody oh-so passionately and then call it a mistake, Richie will never know. Either way, Richie made sure he dressed in a way that would catch anyone’s attention, male or female, straight or not even close to it.

Richie also made sure he put a choker on because he once overheard Eddie telling Beverly that was one of his turn-ons.

Richie. Plays. Dirty. 

Richie even went as far as to apply a little bit of blush and eyeliner that he stole from his mother. She would kill him if she saw him wearing makeup like this; he just barely gets away with his clothing choices — and it would make him a dead man if his mom knew he was anything but straight.

Not that Richie cared. His parents made his life a living hell, he would never care about anything they have to say about  _ his  _ lifestyle. He’d just look at them and try his best not to say,  _ really? Life advice from the married and pregnant way too young club? That’s rich! _

Richie fell onto his back, now looking up at the ceiling. His thoughts started rolling in, and his music began to fade. He has yet to come out since he’s never really found it important to do so. He also likes boys, what makes him special enough for him to assume people would care? Why does he need to sit people down and have an important conversation about his taste? Who the fuck  _ cares _ ?

Beverly knows he’s bisexual, it’s hard not to tell Beverly; she always knows when something is up, so one day he came clean and spilled. Stanley has to know — he’s been the one that Richie turned to while pointing at guys and asking him,  _ hey, do you think he’s hot?  _ Then he’d be the one to answer,  _ no, Bill is who I find hot, fuck off,  _ and  _ then  _ the one to listen as Richie replied with,  _ well I think he just swell, I mean, I’d suck his dick!  _ So then since Stanely knows, Bill definitely knows. Along with that, if Mike or Ben has figured out the painfully obvious, then one told the other. Which then leaves Eddie. Eddie spaghetti. 

Well, he hopes Eddie knows. He really hopes that Eddie, the love of his life, knows. Richie has had feelings for that stupid fanny pack-wearing kid ever since he pushed his hand out towards him and asked him, _ why don’t you take a breather and stargaze with me? _

It’s not like he was mad at Eddie, he could never be mad at Eddie, but why should he have to force himself to just  _ be okay?  _ Eddie said the kiss was a mistake, so it was a mistake. Richie wouldn’t hold a grudge against him for feeling differently, but he wouldn’t suck it up and continue being his friend — he wouldn’t put on an act just for Eddie Kaspberk’s sake, not when he’s had to do it for years, not after  _ Eddie  _ kissed  _ him. _

Richie finally decided to leave, not bothering to check the time. As he approached the coffee shop, he could see Eddie talking to Beverly through the window. Next to them was Mike and Ben having their own conversation, and beside them was Stan and Bill holding hands as Stan rested his head on Bill’s shoulder. Richie walked in, and they looked up at him, which made him feel as if he was late, so he checked his phone time.

_ Twelve fifty-eight. _

Richie sat down in the booth, “Well, fuck me, I’ll come way before the set time next time, too!”

Bill looked at Richie with a blank stare, “No you won’t.”

Richie tightened his lips, “Yeah, no I won’t.”

Richie finally decided to lock eyes with Eddie, who had been staring at him ever since he walked in. It could be guilt, attraction, annoyance, or anything really, in his eyes as he stared at Richie, but Richie didn’t know which it was, which was killing him.

Eddie was sad, though, so his look probably fell under the guilt category. He was sad that his best friend didn’t smile at him when he walked in, or sit next to him and throw his arm around his shoulders while yelling something like,  _ Eddie! Don’t I look cute today? Tell me how cute I look, Eds.  _

— but that loss was his own fault. 

Eddie saw that Richie was looking at the Ice coffee on the table, set down right next to Eddie’s. Also next to Eddie? An empty chair. Richie saw the open spot and still decided to squish himself next to a sleepy Stanley when he walked in. 

Eddie pushed the iced coffee towards Richie, “Bought it for you, just in case you were extra late and we wanted to leave right away.”

They looked into each other’s eyes longingly, and with that for a little bit too long. Beverly waited a few more seconds, and then she clapped her hands to get the group's attention, she announced that they should get going. 

Bill shook Stan to waste him up fully, and then took his hand as they walked out. Eddie watched Richie stand without saying a single word to him, and Beverly gave Eddie a look of pity before following Richie. Eddie stood, and shoved his hands into his loose sweatpants. He decided he was done being upset; done wallowing in his sadness and guilt — done feeling like it was all his fault. He was mad now, he was  _ pissed _ . So what if Eddie enacted the kiss? Richie kissed back, it was not only Eddie’s fault. Plus, if Richie was so upset, why not stay and talk? He had nowhere to be, they had all the time they needed, and Richie just stormed out. Why ignore Eddie when he seems full of thoughts, full of anger? Eddie wants him to do anything, say anything. 

Eddie stared at the back of Richie’s head, thinking loudly in his direction as if he could hear him.  _ Yell at me! Kick me, pull my hair, tell me you hate me, scream and cry, do something! _

As soon as they got to the store, Bill yelled, “Farewell!” and then walked off with Stan.

Beverly walked up to Eddie and held him by the shoulders. Richie pretended to be on his phone while standing a distance from them.

“Hey. I’ll take care of this. Don’t worry,” she smiled.

Eddie looked her in the eyes, muttering a,  _ don’t bother. _ He didn’t smile once, and then he walked up to Mike and Ben, “Hey,” Eddie started, “I’m feeling a little sick, would you guys be okay if you two did the shopping on your own?” 

“Oh! Uh,” Ben looked at Mike, “Yeah, only if you're sure.” 

Eddie smiled and waved at them as they walked away, not noticing Beverly, who was standing behind him, or Richie, who was trying to hide the fact that he was looking at Eddie.

“‘ _ Don’t bother’ _ ,” Beverly mocked him, “What are you talking about?”

“He wants to be mad, so what,” Eddie shrugged his shoulders, “He’s childish, and blowing this out of proportion. It’s clear he doesn’t care enough about me to talk to me about this, so fuck it, we won’t fucking talk about it!” Eddie kissed Beverly’s cheeks as a goodbye, and then looked Richie in the eyes. He was standing behind her, already looking at Eddie.

“Oh!” Eddie exclaimed, still looking at Richie, “Beverly, please don’t be mad at me for kissing you!” Eddie exclaimed sarcastically while smirking, not staying long enough to watch Richie stand dumbfounded, and then angry.

Richie looked at Beverly, pointing in the direction that Eddie walked off in, “Is he fucking serious?” Richie went to walk to where Eddie was, but Beverly held him back.

“Why are you mad, anyway? You’re in love with him, right? He kissed you, you literally have no reason to be mad! This has got to be all you’ve ever wanted!” Beverly accused.

“He said it was a mistake!” Richie defended.

“That boy has had his mother brainwash him for as long as he can remember! He doesn’t know how to even start figuring out his sexuality! Richie, did you not think that he was scared? What if he fucking likes you — for whatever goddamned reason — and when he finally got the courage to kiss you, he got scared, and so you got mad. How do you think he fucking feels?” Beverly exclaimed, seething with anger.

Richie sighed, “I...I don’t know, Bev. I was just hurt, okay? I’ve liked him for as long as I can remember.”

Beverly groaned, letting go of her anger, “I know, Rich. I know.”

She pulled him into her arms to comfort him, and he hugged back.


	5. five.

Eddie tapped his chin as he looked up at the stuffed animal display in front of him. He finally picked one, it was huge and definitely bigger than him, he had just enough to buy it, so he took it to self-checkout and happily purchased the bear.

“I’m gonna name you spaghetti,” Eddie said to the bear.

He walked out of the store and sat on a bench just outside the exit. The store was pretty empty today. Barley any cars, and a silent parking lot. Eddie pulled out his phone and told Beverly where he was. Then, he hugged the bear and watched cars pass on the road across from the store. It was peaceful, which is just what Eddie needed at that moment. No Richie, no arguing, no problematic kisses.

Though the silence made it pretty easy for him to start thinking — overthinking. His feelings for Richie actually explain quite a lot, from his urges for Richie to cuddle him, to wanting to run his fingers through his hair and kiss his forehead. He feels like an idiot for just now realizing he has  _ those kinds _ of feelings for him. 

Eddie’s phone buzzed, it was Beverly.

**molly ringwald**

_ hey! we are done. bill and stan and on the way out and me richie, ben and mike are finishing up. i talked to rich a little, and hes ready to talk to you now. let him come to you, though. _

__

He looked up and saw Bill and Stan chatting as they walked towards him. He stood with the bear on his back and walked to them. They then heard Beverly yelling in the distance and the rest of the group was there. They started to walk to Bill’s house. Eddie could feel Richie looking at him — staring at him.

When they reached Bill’s house they let Bill unlock the door and then they all followed in after him. They each took turns putting on the pajamas that were bought, and Bill started putting snacks in bowls and brought out some red solo cups, but they didn’t have any alcohol, just soda, and juice. Soon, a movie was put on the tv, and everyone got comfortable. Bill and Stan sat on one end of the couch huddled together, and Ben and Beverly sat on the other end. Mike sat in the small chair on the right of the couch, and Eddie sat on the small chair on the left side of the couch. Richie sat on the floor in front of Beverly. He usually forced himself into the chair with Eddie.

About an hour into the first movie, Mike was asleep, Eddie was bored, Bill and Stan were chatting quietly, Ben and Beverly were tossing food into each other’s mouth, and Richie was looking at Eddie once every minute. Finally, Eddie decided he needed to get away from this, so he got up, announced he was getting some air, and walked out to Bill’s deck. He leaned against the railing of the deck, facing away from the door that led out there. He let the night air hit his face as he closed his eyes.

The door opened, then shut.

“Hey, Eds.” It was Richie.

Eddie didn’t bother turning around or talking. Richie then asked if they could talk, and Eddie nodded and turned around.

“Listen, I’m sorry for ignoring you,” Richie admitted. There was a long silence, and then Eddie rolled his eyes. “What could you possibly be rolling your eyes at?” Richie groaned.

“That’s all you have to say?!  _ Woah, sorry for ignoring you for no fucking reason _ ,  _ we good bro? _ ” Eddie mocked.

“ _ ‘No fucking reason’ _ ?” Richie asked, “ _ ‘No fucking reason’ _ ?!” 

Eddie took a step closer to him, “Oh, the great Richie has a reason? Well then let’s hear it, come on, Rich! Let’s fucking hear it!”

“You!” Richie started.

“Yeah?!” Eddie answered.

“You played with my fucking feelings, you- you fucknut!” Richie yelled at him, also taking a step closer.

Eddie stared Richie right in the eyes, “What feelings?!”

Richie clenched his jaw, “I’m in love with you, dumbass!”

Eddie’s breath caught in his throat, but he quickly continued their screaming contest, “Yeah?! Well, I’m in love with you too!” 

“You are?!” Richie shouted.

“Yes!” Eddie yelled back, walking closer once again. 

“Fine!” Richie shouted.

“Fine!” Eddie shouted back, turning around and stomping back to the deck railing, Richie doing the same except towards the door.

Then, a few seconds later, they both turned back around, stomping towards the other until their lips collided. The kiss, while rough and long-awaited, didn’t last too long though since they were interrupted by clapping coming from inside.

The door opened, and Beverly told them how it was like a scene out of a movie, while on the other hand, Stanely looked at them and stated,  _ you guys were so fucking loud,  _ which then made Bill add on,  _ yeah, maybe come inside before my neighbor starts throwing shoes at you. It’s happened before. _

Eddie and Richie laughed as they headed back inside and cuddled in their chair, holding each other’s hands, and talking in whispers until they fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to leave comments, i love reading them :)


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